Much needed rain is falling across the state. I look out the office window and observe an extremely quiet North Atlantic sea. The waves aren't high enough to interest any of the surf-riders, but the magnificence of its expanse and potential power remains awe-inspiring.
Having attended church, this morning, where my pitiful addition to the choir hopefully went unnoticed, I've spent the rest of the day at the Cutty Sark where I watch the phone and capture any reservations that I can, greet incoming guests, and look for ways to generally screw up the operation while becoming reoriented to the position following a four-plus month seasonal haitus. It also gives me an opportunity to catch up on my e-mail and check out the news items on Yahoo's front page (the motel's computer guru is of the opinion that Google, along with a desktop and task bar full of icons, fouls the operation of the unit). I expect that the excessive website surfing of our time-passing research and email checks are also implicating factors. We would probably all be better served to once again begin reading books. Horrors! The brain stimulation would likely do us all in.
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Easter Sunday, 2012
A freshly brewed cup of Stonewall Kitchen Cranberry Orange tea and an afternoon nap has brightened the not-sunny day hoped for. But it has been an uplifting day none-the-less.
My church's annual sunrise service commanded Ken's and my presence, as I had promised to make a public address system available so that this year we could actually hear our pastor as she led the service. Last year's loan of a system was thwarted due to the lack of a power connection. We meet overlooking the Nubble Lighthouse that is located at the point of a peninsula jutting into the Gulf of Maine a couple of miles from our church. Power is not available there until mid-April. As my vehicle has a built-in power converter that provides a 110v. electrical outlet I offered its use. My appeal for a PA system resulted in three responses, including one from Ken who brought a powerful system borrowed from his home church in Connecticut. Therefore, we were setting it up this morning, at 5 AM. The system performed flawlessly but unsettled weather brought clouds that obscured the sun and reduced attendance from a norm averaging 100 to half that. Spirits, however, of those attending remained high. Because the service, generally scheduled to conclude as the sun rises, was shorter than usual it was duplicated for the benefit of those who arrived closer to the time of sunrise even though evidence of the sun was not visible. A full breakfast was provided immediately following at the church where heat, light, camaraderie and good food were abundantly available. After breakfast Ken and I returned home and shortly he had to leave for work while I returned to church for choir rehearsal and the joyful Easter worship service that was well attended.
My church's annual sunrise service commanded Ken's and my presence, as I had promised to make a public address system available so that this year we could actually hear our pastor as she led the service. Last year's loan of a system was thwarted due to the lack of a power connection. We meet overlooking the Nubble Lighthouse that is located at the point of a peninsula jutting into the Gulf of Maine a couple of miles from our church. Power is not available there until mid-April. As my vehicle has a built-in power converter that provides a 110v. electrical outlet I offered its use. My appeal for a PA system resulted in three responses, including one from Ken who brought a powerful system borrowed from his home church in Connecticut. Therefore, we were setting it up this morning, at 5 AM. The system performed flawlessly but unsettled weather brought clouds that obscured the sun and reduced attendance from a norm averaging 100 to half that. Spirits, however, of those attending remained high. Because the service, generally scheduled to conclude as the sun rises, was shorter than usual it was duplicated for the benefit of those who arrived closer to the time of sunrise even though evidence of the sun was not visible. A full breakfast was provided immediately following at the church where heat, light, camaraderie and good food were abundantly available. After breakfast Ken and I returned home and shortly he had to leave for work while I returned to church for choir rehearsal and the joyful Easter worship service that was well attended.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving 2011
A year ago I was in rehab following open-heart surgery. Today I am revitalized, doing all the things I was doing prior to surgery...and more.
It has been a year worth noting primarily due to a burgeoning loving gay relationship with Ken. Six months ago he stepped into my life when he responded to an on-line ad I had posted for a roommate/tenant to occupy a vacant room in my home. Though, for both of us, neither was not exactly what the other was looking for but there was a muted spark that quickly burst into flame with subsequent meetings. I am 20 yars older than he...he is 50-pounds heavier than I, but we enjoy many commonalities. We like spnding time with one another, whether it be shopping, dining, walking the beach, dissing the guys we see and/or with whom we come in contact, or simply cuddling at home. He commutes to his job in Boston (1-1/2 hours each way) and I work 32-40 hours/week, so our time together is limited. We both have stong family ties. However, most of his family is reluctant to accept his homosexuality and so he savors the acceptance he finds within mine. We have agreed to live together for a year before finalizing a decision as to whether a committed union is right for us. Right now, it feels so right that the next six months may be difficult to maneuver without taking definitive action. We are currently experiencing a fully committed lifestyle, having pledged fidelity to one another. There are heavy discussions and decisions involving finances that we have yet to resolve.
So, this Thanksgiving, I am so thankful that Ken is a part of my life...and my cats agree!
It has been a year worth noting primarily due to a burgeoning loving gay relationship with Ken. Six months ago he stepped into my life when he responded to an on-line ad I had posted for a roommate/tenant to occupy a vacant room in my home. Though, for both of us, neither was not exactly what the other was looking for but there was a muted spark that quickly burst into flame with subsequent meetings. I am 20 yars older than he...he is 50-pounds heavier than I, but we enjoy many commonalities. We like spnding time with one another, whether it be shopping, dining, walking the beach, dissing the guys we see and/or with whom we come in contact, or simply cuddling at home. He commutes to his job in Boston (1-1/2 hours each way) and I work 32-40 hours/week, so our time together is limited. We both have stong family ties. However, most of his family is reluctant to accept his homosexuality and so he savors the acceptance he finds within mine. We have agreed to live together for a year before finalizing a decision as to whether a committed union is right for us. Right now, it feels so right that the next six months may be difficult to maneuver without taking definitive action. We are currently experiencing a fully committed lifestyle, having pledged fidelity to one another. There are heavy discussions and decisions involving finances that we have yet to resolve.
So, this Thanksgiving, I am so thankful that Ken is a part of my life...and my cats agree!
Saturday, March 26, 2011
About Me
I believe there is a cosmic being that directs all natural aspects of our world. This being is known by many names by many types of people. I choose to refer to it as God. There is a Spirit that emanates from and is a part of my God. It encompasses us individually creating a direct connection to the deity. And, over the ages there have been many teachers who have been perceived as "chosen ones" to individually educate, challenge, and guide us. My acquaintance and allegiance is with Jesus Christ and I try to follow his example as I work my way through the tenure of life. I have faith that good works carry the promise of benefits both now and beyond. I have hope that righteousness will persevere, and I feel love beyond what I many times demonstrate.
But, I am human. I give what I can and have desires that at times seem out of control. I am sensitive and try not to internalize criticism and rejection. I thrill at works of art and beautiful music, both historical and contemporary. I marvel at technology and what it can do to ease and entertain. Finally, I am a mental whore...always starved for physical satisfaction and getting little. I become ecstatic over the sight and feel of the male body along with representations of it through sculpture and photography. I so desire to love and be loved. Further, I am not ashamed of loving other men. I am comfortable in my own skin. Age is a state of mind and my "Fountain of Youth" is association with younger men...mentally and physically.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Mortality Surfacing
Shortly before Thanksgiving, 2010, my mortality reached up and slapped me in the face. It's amazing, even at my advanced age feeling good and taking the prescribed precautions, how complacent I've been regarding the facts of life...yes, all of them. "Sure, you're aging" you tell yourself, "but I'm active, in apparent good health, enjoying life and the people who surround me. There's no reason why I won't keep going for another 20-25 years...loving it!" Then WHAP!, I'm lying in a hospital bed marveling at the medical technology that has brought me through... not forgetting the prayers and best wishes of family and friends that helped me through the experience.
Within a span of 24 hours my optimism relating to longevity wavered. I was reminded that life here on earth, indeed, is not eternal. I was given pause to stop and evaluate the purpose for being given a further chance to continue on. There is really no way to discover the hidden reason in that longevity is primarily beyond our control. Individually, we can find or learn ways that may extend our tenure here, and such luck or education play an important part. Prayer is another extenuating factor...whether offered by ourselves or by those who surround us in life. But still, for what purpose am I still here? I was shown an immense outpouring of love and concern as a result of this incident and have expressed my determination to "pay it forward". I have also self vowed that I will continually pray for the strength and will power to live my life in such a manner that those who observe will recognize the basis for my faith and trust who is the triumvirate God.
Within a span of 24 hours my optimism relating to longevity wavered. I was reminded that life here on earth, indeed, is not eternal. I was given pause to stop and evaluate the purpose for being given a further chance to continue on. There is really no way to discover the hidden reason in that longevity is primarily beyond our control. Individually, we can find or learn ways that may extend our tenure here, and such luck or education play an important part. Prayer is another extenuating factor...whether offered by ourselves or by those who surround us in life. But still, for what purpose am I still here? I was shown an immense outpouring of love and concern as a result of this incident and have expressed my determination to "pay it forward". I have also self vowed that I will continually pray for the strength and will power to live my life in such a manner that those who observe will recognize the basis for my faith and trust who is the triumvirate God.
Spirit of the Living God
Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me.
Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me.
Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.
Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me.
-Daniel Iverson
Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me.
Melt me, mold me, fill me, use me.
Spirit of the living God, fall afresh on me.
-Daniel Iverson
This is a prayer hymn that I often sing. For me it is a reminder that constant renewal is a requirement during these days of turmoil. In order to be remade, I ask that the crust that has formed around my existence be broken and melted into a pliable mass. This allows a new vessel to be formed...sculpted to reflect a new use. I further ask that the new vessel be subsequently filled with faith, hope, and love. Finally I ask that my future life actions will make full use of that which the vessel is filled.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
The Team
The setting is an ancient New England inn with history oozing from time gilded local oak timbers, interior decorated with rememberances of the past. A jovial bartender bustling preparations toward anticipated busier evening hours accompanied by occasional clinks of bottles and glassware. Tables being effiently set by competant waitsaff quietlybantering with the chef and barkeep. Owner/manager quick-stepping, double checking, firing off questions and instructions. Soft period lighting and the hearth ablaze with atmosphere adding warmth to the late autumn afternoon chill. At a semi-secluded corner table a party of four enjoy libation and muted coversation...a team of three for the other. One an organized philosophical study(the visiting friend), another an efficient working professional and housewife (the daughter), the third a champion for people with special needs (the sister).
A few weeks earlier, the other had disappointingly experienced an unusual lung-rasping shortness of breath during a routine beach walk. Subsequent trial walks produced similar results which he discussed with his cardiologist. A failed stress-test was followed by a cardio-catheterization that precpitated immediate open heart surgery complete with triple-bypass corrections. The team of three was called to action; not an orchestrated rehearsed selection of events but rather a collecton of individual cooperative acts that melded fragmenation into wholeness on behalf of the striken other. Personal plans were cast aside and expenditures of previously planned time were abandoned as the three rallied in mutual support. Now, with successful healing being nurtred, the other was seeking some demonstration of gratitude to the three in commensurate magnitude. Therefore, finding none of worthy stature or possibility he tries to convey his emotions - tackling the enormity of wrapping his need with phrases that can hardly be understood by those who have not personally experienced similar circumstances.
A few weeks earlier, the other had disappointingly experienced an unusual lung-rasping shortness of breath during a routine beach walk. Subsequent trial walks produced similar results which he discussed with his cardiologist. A failed stress-test was followed by a cardio-catheterization that precpitated immediate open heart surgery complete with triple-bypass corrections. The team of three was called to action; not an orchestrated rehearsed selection of events but rather a collecton of individual cooperative acts that melded fragmenation into wholeness on behalf of the striken other. Personal plans were cast aside and expenditures of previously planned time were abandoned as the three rallied in mutual support. Now, with successful healing being nurtred, the other was seeking some demonstration of gratitude to the three in commensurate magnitude. Therefore, finding none of worthy stature or possibility he tries to convey his emotions - tackling the enormity of wrapping his need with phrases that can hardly be understood by those who have not personally experienced similar circumstances.
How does one attempt to compensate another for the magnitude of the gift given? What possible expression of gratitude can even begin to convey that which is so intesely personal? Is it even possible? Is it necessary? Does simple acceptance of that given convey enough to satisfy the spirit...the love represented? Or is a commitment to "pay it forward", to accept the torch that is passed in order to lighten the load of another in need, sufficient? Within the surrounding circumstances, the other seems to be left with no option than the latter and has accepted all that has been given with thanksgiving and resolve.
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