Journal - A New Beginning?

April 3, 2012
I will try, once again, to create a chronicle of my life in Maine...and anywhere else fate has in store.  It seems fitting that Easter-time is a fitting place to start since, for many of us, it commemorates a new beginning...the phenomenon of Christianity.  Also, the month of April heralds the emergence of the spring season.  Flowering buds burst forth displaying their colorful joy that the worst of winter has passed while exemplifying trust in that which is yet to come.  Daylight hours remain chilly, here, with a brisk wind.  However, the warmth of the sun is becoming more apparent encouraging me to venture outside without layers of insulative clothing.  Walks on the beach are a somewhat different matter...still calling for wind pants, jackets, and gloves (a few times I've even needed to wear a knitted hat...I hate wearing hats).


Yesterday's walk on Wells Beach was spattered with sunshine as gray-bottomed wind clouds scudded across the sky.  Then I spent time preparing church bulletins on the computer for my church's forthcoming Easter sunrise and Easter worship services.  The one for the Maundy Thursday service is done and copied, ready for distribution at Thursday evening's service.  The love my life, Ken, interrupted my efforts at 11:30 PM with a phone call that he had fallen asleep on the bus from Boston, where he works, missing the stop in Portsmouth (where his car was parked) and departed the bus in Dover.  He wanted to let me know that the next bus back to Portsmouth would be at 2:30 AM, and that he'd be late arriving home...so, guess who made a trip to the Dover bus terminal, then to the Portsmouth transportation center to deliver him to his car so that he could get some sleep before leaving for work, this morning, at 9 AM.  


My plans for today include starting to get my income tax forms completed, with a beach walk fitted in at some point. 

Monday, December 10, 2012
Spring, summer and autumn slipped by without attention to this blog.  Now that I have more time at my disposal future additions may become a more frequent reality.

The change of seasons spawned an active summer for the hospitality industry but with local activities slowing to a crawl tourists become involved elsewhere and, therefore, I join them.  The major reward has been the the successful effort expended on behalf of marriage equality in the state.  Maine became the first state in the Union to sanction  marriage of same-sex couples by the vote of the people.  Friend Larry came from Oregon to become involved while  Ken and I enthusiastic-ally joined the time consuming effort.  

December brought a change of pace, subtly, as we resumed our services serving 70-100 free meals, per week, to local area seniors alongside other Soup's On volunteers.  I also took on coordinator responsibilities for my church's Santa's Toybox community outreach program where the public is invited to "shop" for free donated children's toys, games, books and clothing to give as Christmas gifts.  Ken assisted in this project and we helped 40-50 area families prepare for a fuller Christmas than they otherwise would have.  

Today, I'm winding down.  The town's Christmas parade was held yesterday along State Route 1 that passes in front of the mobile home park's entrance drive thereby prohibiting access and egress.  I watched the parade, camera in hand, then walked 1-1/2 miles (round trip) for exercise.            

                           t)

Saturday, December 15, 2012
Pray for Newtown (Connecticut)...20 children and 6 adults killed, yesterday, when a grammar school was assaulted by a disturbed 20-year old gunman!!

How do the parents of those lost young sons and daughters start the day?  Without the excited clamor that accompanies the season of Christmas.  With hastily wrapped gifts lovingly hidden from prying eyes and inquisitive touches of exploring fingers.  Without the good morning hugs so impatiently pulled away from in favor of preparations for a new day.  How do they carry on...or do they.  

I try to place myself in their shoes, trying to experience which sources of comfort might be most effective.  I cannot quite get to that point, never having experienced the loss of a young child.  I can envision the experience of losing a young grand-niece or grand-nephew, but to translate that loss to a child of my own seems beyond my comprehension.  Would my faith sustain me?  Would that, along with my circle of caring family members, friends and acquaintances, lift me from what must be such a deep dark hole of despair?   Might communication with others who have experienced similar horrific trauma help?  I simply do not know, and all that I can do at this point is to lift my prayers for the well being of those parents.

But, I can join forces with those who will attempt to effect changes which will discourage, if not end, the continuance of similar atrocities.  According to respected sources, two basic elements need to be addressed...gun control, along with increased education and counseling related to mental instability.  

Relating to gun control, it seems plausible to agree that our congressional leaders so fear their loss of position due to the pressures of the National Rifle Association's deep campaign pockets that they will not seriously oppose the association's objections to the control of personal firearms.  In that case, would it not be a challenge to the general constituency to override that fear with the fear of congressional position loss at the hands of the electorate in succeeding Novembers?

As to mental health, can we not add our support to the need for greater awareness and funding where needed, be it with school programs, private clinics, or other appropriate areas as suggested by proven trusted sources?  

A Year in Commitment

On June 14, 2012, Ken & I celebrated a year of committed, monogamous, loving partnership.  We sort of pulled the date out of the air, trying to reconstruct our meeting and the subsequent date when he moved in and we commenced sharing all aspects of the relationship. 

Ken was looking for a room to rent, I had posted online the availability of a room in my mobile home seeking help with expenses as well as hoping for companionship.  After reviewing another respondant I offered Ken the room. We dated for five weeks before he moved in.  By that time we had concluded that our relationship was going to be more than landlord and tenant.  We committed our mutual fidelity and agreed to live together for a year, as long our feelings for one another remained strong, before taking further steps. 

Now, four months into our second year together, we continue to marvel at the strength of our feelings.  My family has fully embraced his presence in my life, but it is taking his family a while longer to accept our relationship.  Their religious background is deeply fundamental and while the younger members are more understanding the senior members seemingly cannot work their beliefs around the concept of two men lovingly sharing life. 

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Much needed rain is falling across the state.  I look out the office window and observe an extremely quiet North Atlantic sea.  The waves aren't high enough to interest any of the surf-riders, but the magnificence of its expanse and potential power remains awe-inspiring.

Having attended church, this morning, where my pitiful addition to the choir hopefully went unnoticed, I've spent the rest of the day at the Cutty Sark where I watch the phone and capture any reservations that I can, greet incoming guests, and look for ways to generally screw up the operation while becoming reoriented to the position following a four-plus month seasonal haitus.  It also gives me an opportunity to catch up on my e-mail and check out the news items on Yahoo's front page (the motel's computer guru is of the opinion that Google, along with a desktop and task bar full of icons, fouls the operation of the unit).  I expect that the excessive website surfing of our time-passing research and email checks are also implicating factors. We would probably all be better served to once again begin reading books.  Horrors! The brain stimulation would likely do us all in. 

Easter Sunday, 2012

A freshly brewed cup of Stonewall Kitchen Cranberry Orange tea and an afternoon nap has brightened the not-sunny day hoped for.  But it has been an uplifting day none-the-less.

My church's annual sunrise service commanded Ken's and my presence, as I had promised to make a public address system available so that this year we could actually hear our pastor as she led the service.  Last year's loan of a system was thwarted due to the lack of a power connection. We meet overlooking the Nubble Lighthouse that is located at the point of a peninsula jutting into the Gulf of Maine a couple of miles from our church. Power is not available there until mid-April.  As my vehicle has a built-in power converter that provides a 110v. electrical outlet I offered its use.  My appeal for a PA system resulted in three responses, including one from Ken who brought a powerful system borrowed from his home church in Connecticut.  Therefore, we were setting it up this morning, at 5 AM.  The system performed flawlessly but unsettled weather brought clouds that obscured the sun and reduced attendance from a norm averaging 100 to half that.  Spirits, however, of those attending remained high.  Because the service, generally scheduled to conclude as the sun rises, was shorter than usual it was duplicated for the benefit of those who arrived closer to the time of sunrise even though evidence of the sun was not visible.  A full breakfast was provided immediately following at the church where heat, light, camaraderie and good food were abundantly available.  After breakfast Ken and I returned home and shortly he had to leave for work while I returned to church for choir rehearsal and the joyful Easter worship service that was well attended.

Thanksgiving 2011

A year ago I was in rehab following open-heart surgery.  Today I am revitalized, doing all the things I was doing prior to surgery...and more. 

It has been a year worth noting primarily due to a burgeoning loving gay relationship with Ken.  Six months ago he stepped into my life when he responded to an on-line ad I had posted for a roommate/tenant to occupy a vacant room in my home.  Though, for both of us, neither was not exactly what the other was looking for but there was a muted spark that quickly burst into flame with subsequent meetings.  I am 20 yars older than he...he is 50-pounds heavier than I, but we enjoy many commonalities.  We like spnding time with one another, whether it be shopping, dining, walking the beach, dissing the guys we see and/or with whom we come in contact, or simply cuddling at home.  He commutes to his job in Boston (1-1/2 hours each way) and I work 32-40 hours/week, so our time together is limited.  We both have stong family ties.  However, most of his family is reluctant to accept his homosexuality and so he savors the acceptance he finds within mine.  We have agreed to live together for a year before finalizing a decision as to whether a committed union is right for us.  Right now, it feels so right that the next six months may be difficult to maneuver without taking definitive action.  We are currently experiencing a fully committed lifestyle, having pledged fidelity to one another.  There are heavy discussions and decisions involving finances that we have yet to resolve.

So, this Thanksgiving, I am so thankful that Ken is a part of my life...and my cats agree!

About Me

I believe there is a cosmic being that directs all natural aspects of our world. This being is known by many names by many types of people. I choose to refer to it as God. There is a Spirit that emanates from and is a part of my God. It encompasses us individually creating a direct connection to the deity. And, over the ages there have been many teachers who have been perceived as "chosen ones" to individually educate, challenge, and guide us. My acquaintance and allegiance is with Jesus Christ and I try to follow his example as I work my way through the tenure of life. I have faith that good works carry the promise of benefits both now and beyond. I have hope that righteousness will persevere, and I feel love beyond what I many times demonstrate.

But, I am human. I give what I can and have desires that at times seem out of control. I am sensitive and try not to internalize criticism and rejection. I thrill at works of art and beautiful music, both historical and contemporary. I marvel at technology and what it can do to ease and entertain. Finally, I am a mental whore...always starved for physical satisfaction and getting little. I become ecstatic over the sight and feel of the male body along with representations of it through sculpture and photography. I so desire to love and be loved. Further, I am not ashamed of loving other men. I am comfortable in my own skin. Age is a state of mind and my "Fountain of Youth" is association with younger men...mentally and physically.

Mortality Surfacing

Shortly before Thanksgiving, 2010, my mortality reached up and slapped me in the face. It's amazing, even at my advanced age feeling good and taking the prescribed precautions, how complacent I've been regarding the facts of life...yes, all of them. "Sure, you're aging" you tell yourself, "but I'm active, in apparent good health, enjoying life and the people who surround me. There's no reason why I won't keep going for another 20-25 years...loving it!" Then WHAP!, I'm lying in a hospital bed marveling at the medical technology that has brought me through... not forgetting the prayers and best wishes of family and friends that helped me through the experience.

Within a span of 24 hours my optimism relating to longevity wavered. I was reminded that life here on earth, indeed, is not eternal. I was given pause to stop and evaluate the purpose for being given a further chance to continue on. There is really no way to discover the hidden reason in that longevity is primarily beyond our control. Individually, we can find or learn ways that may extend our tenure here, and such luck or education play an important part. Prayer is another extenuating factor...whether offered by ourselves or by those who surround us in life. But still, for what purpose am I still here? I was shown an immense outpouring of love and concern as a result of this incident and have expressed my determination to "pay it forward". I have also self vowed that I will continually pray for the strength and will power to live my life in such a manner that those who observe will recognize the basis for my faith and trust who is the triumvirate God.